Author: Dejana Vorkapić
Before birth, while still in the mother’s womb, the baby is one with the mother and feels nothing but completeness.
During this period, there is pure awareness, or pure presence. It cannot experience anything subjectively. The first separation occurs with birth; the baby is still pure awareness, but traumas of birth are stored in the body and brain while awareness is still one with the mother. It experiences nothing outside itself. Whatever the mother feels, the baby feels too.
After the first year, the second separation begins, separation in consciousness. The baby begins to realize it is separate from the mother. It has its own feelings and needs while the mother is there to recognize and fulfill them. Separation is painful, and if the baby is not satisfied during this period, foundational life patterns of a traumatic nature are created. In every relationship the child will have later on, they will project the relationship with the mother onto it. There is no developed awareness of what they can do to satisfy themselves, so traumatic patterns are repeated and continue to develop in the child’s life, passing through developmental stages and compounding the initial trauma with new experiences. The primary separation that occurs at birth is actually a separation from the divine nature, from the overall intelligent consciousness.
Throughout life, there is an attempt to return to unity with the divine source. Every relationship a child, adolescent, or adult has reflects the first separation from the mother. All the fundamental patterns imprinted on the baby then become stronger, denser, and more difficult to dissolve as layers of trauma and retraumatization accumulate. In the symbiosis phase, generational traumas are also transferred; if the mother has not worked on herself, she unconsciously transmits everything she has also inherited from her ancestors. Throughout later life until adulthood, these trauma patterns repeat to be purified in consciousness and for the soul to return back to unity with the divine source of life from which it originated. Every romantic relationship and relationships in general carry the same patterns in variations.
So, a person who has experienced separation pain where the mother was not physically or consciously present will repeat abandonment patterns, or they will experience being abandoned in relationships. Such a person will not be able to achieve completeness in a relationship because their initial separation experience does not allow it. They will manifest the experience until they penetrate through it, allow all the pain they feel, be completely present with themselves in that pain, and allow themselves to see all the patterns that have developed and influenced their life and concept of life, as well as all their relationships up to that point. When this is penetrated, pure divine consciousness remains, which will take over the mind and body and return the spirit back to unity. This journey does not only take place in this life; the soul travels from life to life in an attempt to integrate the separation trauma from the divine source of life. Sometimes, through spiritual practices or some form of self-work, consciousness may gain insight into the unity of all that is, but such an experience needs to be fully integrated through the body.
The body holds traumas from early development in the form of cellular imprints. It is necessary to become aware of the emotion accumulated in the body and release it from the body completely. Emotions contained in the body due to separation trauma are fear, sadness, anger, alienation, non-belonging, rejection, distrust, emptiness, and a great pain is felt in the heart area. When these deepest and most painful emotions are integrated, there will be a change in the relationship with oneself and with others.
A soul aware of this and working on themselves will notice a shift in every subsequent relationship that occurs. Before entering unity with the divine source, they will have a relationship with a soul that will help them to make the final step of integration. A soul that embarked on the same journey at the same time from the same source. Such a relationship is beyond all frameworks of romantic and friendly relationships. It is a relationship that has no concept and cannot be defined. It is strongly transformative and triggers all the traumas that have separated the soul from the source while simultaneously being supportive and gentle. Unconditional love is felt, and the heart opens strongly, but this time not towards someone outside oneself who will be responsible for personal happiness, but towards oneself because only in this way can one return to unity with oneself, with the source, with what we truly are. The love felt then helps in the integration of all the traumas that have led to the separation of the soul from the source. It is consciousness that penetrates deeply into the body’s records and warmth that embraces the deepest fears, emotional pain, anger, and every horror stored in the body. In this relationship, there is an awareness that there is no love of life, a partner who will fulfill all our shortcomings and gaps, that every broken heart is proof that this cannot happen with someone from the outside, and that consenting to a shared life is only a compromise and often suppression instead of opening oneself. We become something we are not to be perfect for our partner, to keep the relationship going, and to achieve the ideal of a shared life imposed by the concept of marriage. Unconditional love does not limit anyone, does not suppress the partner’s needs and desires of the soul.
As long as we choose a partnership that is not based on unconditional love, we will continue with retraumatizations of separation because we are not created to be something for someone and seek love outside ourselves but to live the fullness of what we are, and we are a soul that is an expression of universal divine consciousness, and only then can we contribute to the collective in all our brilliance and the fullness of our being, limited (by the body) unlimited.
If you wish to contact Dejana, you can reach her at: nedualnost@gmail.com.